


The Taming of the Goth

by Identi



Category: Total Drama (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 10 Things I Hate About You (1999) Fusion, F/M, Friendship, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27245302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Identi/pseuds/Identi
Summary: Dakota Milton is the most eligible bachelorette at Way Pines High. Despite her sparkly adorableness and her desire to date, she remains single due to her strict father's rule that she can't date until her sister does. Enter Sam Froud, he's a videogame nerd and hopeless romantic who is determined to win Dakota's heart. The only problem is that her sister Gwen has been deemed undateable by the masses.Now Sam must hatch a plan to get that girl, but to do so he needs some help. Enter Duncan Millard, the high school burnout, and Gwen seems to have met her match. Will Sam succeed in his scheming and, more importantly, will Duncan?Total Drama Presents : 10 things I hate about you.
Relationships: Dakota Milton/Sam, Duncan/Gwen (Total Drama), Izzy/Noah (Total Drama)
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really excited to post this extremely self indulgent total drama fanfic! I really love the relationship between Gwen and Duncan and I felt it parallels the film 10 things I hate about you really well! I won't be sticking to the film plot completely but I have to included my favourite dialogues and one liners from the film.

A slightly overweight, shabby 16 year old boy with brown curly hair and round glasses awkwardly glanced at the school guidance counselor Ms Blaineley O'Halloran who was flat out ignoring him. She was in the midst of writing a rather tantalising scene in her erotic magnum opus, and she really didn't need a snotty new kid to interrupt her flow. Unfortunately she had a job so Christian Cullen's sexual exploits had to be postponed. 

"So Samuel Froud, it looks like you've been to 9 schools in 10 years,' stated Ms Blaineley as she begrudgingly pulled up his transcript. "I'm guessing you're an army brat?"

"You can call me Sam" the aforementioned boy nervously chuckled. "Actually my dad is a-"

"Don't care. Way Pines High is the same as any other school out there, full of shit-stains and ass wipes."

"Pardon? Did you just….. am I in the right room?"

"Not anymore you're not," dismissed Ms Blaineley as she eyes someone approaching her office. "I've got delinquents to see and a novel to finish. Now scoot."

Sam stared at the guidance counselor for a few moments in disbelief before her intense glare and shoo-ing gesture propelled him out of his shock and out of the office. 

On his way out he bumped into an intimidating guy with a dyed green mohawk, several piercings, and a punk aesthetic. The delinquent rolled his eyes as Sam shrunk into himself before entering Ms Blaineley's office.

"Duncan Millard. The frequency of your visits has increased from daily to hourly. Don't you know I have much better things to do than deal with your desperate cries for attention?" 

"It would be a sin to deprive you of my charming antics and our delightful banter. " Duncan replied with a rogue-ish smirk.

"The decrease of delinquent-induced migraines would certainly be tragic. Now it says here that you've exposed yourself to a lunch lady(1)?"

"I was just joking around with her, she and I are tight through my man DJ. She swatted me once she realised it was a bratwurst."

"Sure….." drawled Ms Blaineley who looked unconvinced. "Please refrain from any 'bratwurst' related schemes in the future. Are we clear?"

"Crystal." said Duncan as he waved her off with a two fingered salute amidst his escape. 

Finally alone, Ms Blaineley muttered 'bratwurst' under her breath, happy to replace the overabundance of the word 'member' in her novel with a far more creative synonym.

\-----

Sam leaned against the wall outside of Ms Blaineley's office, his hands fiddling with each other in a mixture of video game withdrawal and anxious waiting. Fortunately he didn't have to wait too long for his high school guide as a short, scrawny, Indian-Canadian guy strolled up towards him. 

"Hi, are you Sam? I'm Noah and I'm your joyfully appointed mentor here to welcome you to this hellhole" 

"Hey! I'm Sam, but I guess you already knew that hehe. Uh...so.. are you in the AV club?"

"What gave it away," responded Noah sardonically. "My lack of muscles, or the sheer wimpiness I exude." 

"Neither," Sam chuckled. "Most schools send the AV club to act as a tour guide. Guess they can just sense my raw gamer and film nerd energy"

Noah smiled and started showing Sam around the school, introducing him to the established cliques and friendship groups.

"In that corner of the courtyard is the Queen bitch of the school Heather and her slimy eel of a boyfriend." 

"Drop dead, you skeeze!" shouted an attractive Eurasian girl with shiny black hair done up in a short ponytail.

Noah ignored her insults and pointed towards two girls who were happily chatting away to each other. One was a gorgeous blue eyed girl with long blonde hair tied back with a bandana, while the other was a short plump brunette.

"Lindsay and Beth. Used to be Heather's underlings until they finally stood up for themselves."

The latter girl whose mousy brown hair and large bulky glasses emphasised her dorkiness, ran up to the two, brandishing a wide smile. 

"Hi! You're new right?" lisped Beth before continuing once she received a nod from Sam, "Don't let Noah the Negative colour your vision of the school too much, most of us are nice!"

"Sure they are. They are as nice, as your boyfriend Brady is real."

"His name is Brody, and I know for a fact that you've met him at one of Geoff's parties. Don't be such an ash-hole(2)" Beth playfully jabbed back. "Anyway, I'd like to welcome you to Wawanakwa with a friendship bracelet. I hope we can become friends!"

With that she handed a well crafted and charming bracelet to Sam, who smiled back at her in gratitude as she ran back to her well endowed blonde friend.

Noah led Sam to a locked room where an influx of voices arguing over each other shook the walls.

"Yearbook club. Very intense group. Avoid at all costs if you value your privacy." 

A purple-haired First Nation girl whose baby face contrasted her oversized limbs snuck up behind them and thrust a microphone to Sam's face. It soon became clear that she was interviewing him, as a short geeky white guy with light brown hair and faux confidence tailed after her with a video camera.

"Sierra here, I've got the campus completely covered. Today the new kid is here with the man of mystery himself Noah! Any sarcastic quips for your adoring fans?"

Noah put on his deadpan stare.

Sierra stared back at him and pouted before reverting back to her bubbly interviewer persona.

"You may be wondering who the new kid on the block is, and we're here to tell you! Would you like to introduce yourself Sam?"

"Uhhhhh...ok? I just moved here from Malaysia, and I guess I like videogames?"

"He doesn't just like videogames!!! He's level 120 in Fantasy Dungeon Plumber RPG, is in the top percentile of Speedy the Ferret 4 speedruns, and ranked 15 worldwide in the Mintendo classic SuperHuman Mega Pinball Smash. To say he's a videogame master would be an understatement!"

"Wow. Already intimidating the new guy with your stalkerlicious tendencies. It's a new record." interrupted Noah.

"Oh Noah, you're so funny but in the way other people like," replied Sierra with cheerful contempt before turning back towards Sam. "Anyhoo, I'm so happy to have another Jewish person in this school! Being surrounded by goys all the time is exhausting."(3)

After a few rapid fire questions, the enthusiastic interviewer bid farewell to the duo as she ran off to uncover any new drama that plagued the halls of Way Pines High. 

Finally able to continue his tour around the school, Noah ushered his new friend outside the school. It was a spacious open area with lovely greenery brightening up the place, but the most noticeable feature was a giant old cedar tree with sturdy billowing branches. Up along these wooden limbs, stood a quirky group of people, reciting lines of Shakespeare as they jumped from branch to branch.

"Wow, that group sure looks like an interesting bunch." said Sam in bemused confusion.

"That would be an understatement. Those folk are the theatre kids. Izzy's a nutcase, Ella never stops singing and Mike takes method acting to a whole new level."

A red headed girl with wild crazed curls swung upside down from one of the tree branches, and waved enthusiastically at the duo. Unfortunately, her vigorous greeting knocked her off balance, leaving her to faceplant on the grass.

"My best friend Owen, who is the human embodiment of my Golden Labrador. Incomprehensibly nice with an infinite appetite." said Noah pointing towards a chubby blonde guy who was helping the injured girl up. 

Noah winced as he saw their interaction play out. "I would introduce you, but you do not want to get in the midst of that sitch."

"Ahhh bad breakup?"

"Correctamundo." said Noah before scowling when he noticed a gathering of preppy and posh looking intellectuals.

"That group over there are all Ivy League accepted. I had them under my thumb until Courtney Dizon staged a coup and stole my throne." sneered Noah as he glared at a snobby brunette who in turn mockingly waved.

"How did she do that?"

"Rumours, blackmail and a hostile takeover. Don't worry, I have a plan in motion to enact my revenge. Moving on, over there is the -"

"Oh my god, who is that?" interrupted an awestruck Sam. Noah turned around and grimaced when he realised who exactly caught the poor guy's eye. 

The world seemed to slow down as a cute girl with green eyes and bombshell blonde hair walked past Sam and Noah. She was wearing all pink , despite her diva-like outfit there was a sense of earnest sweetness to her demeanor.

"That's Dakota Milton, I think she's in year 10" stated Noah as he rolled his eyes at Sam's obvious infatuation. "Trust me, you've got zero chance"

"I burn! I pine! I perish!" proclaimed Sam as he clenched his chest. "Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight, for I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.”

"Sure you do buddy, she's beautiful and rich. Totally not vapid or spoilt."

As if to confirm Noah's remarks, Dakota's conversation with her poofy haired, fake tanned friend veered in a direction that most would classify as superficial.

"Oh Anne Maria, there's a difference between like and love. Cause I like my Sketchers but I love my Prada backpack." enthused Dakota.

"But I love my Sketchers" rebuffed Anne Maria while chewing and popping some gum.

Dakota cocked her head in confusion for a few seconds before realisation hit her. "Well duh! That's cause you don't have a Prada backpack."

"Right." dismissed Anne Maria.

After the two girls left, Noah said:  
"Listen. Forget about her. Not only is she out of your league but she's got an incredibly uptight father. It's a widely known fact that the Milton sisters aren't allowed to date."

"She has a sister!? Maybe she can help me talk to Dakota!"

Noah let out a strangled guffaw before indicating who exactly Dakota's sister was.

Sam's eyes were led to an 18 year old goth girl whose dark brown hair was adorned with teal streaks. Her face was warped in a snarl as she tore down several posters advertising the end of year dance. Interrupted by Courtney's attempts to chastise, the goth sent a petrifying death glare before walking away from Courtney's indignant squawks. After the goth left, the other girl stuck her nose up in the air, letting out a miffed scoff that signified her displeasure.

"Yeah….. knowing Gwen, not gonna happen"


	2. Gwen's No Good Very Bad Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter came so late! I'm in my first year of university so you can guess that the coursework is pretty overwhelming especially due to certain world wide circumstances. Please comment on your thoughts on the story, and any feedback you may have! Comments are highly motivating to any writer.

A tall, imposing, muscular black man with a mean glint in his eye and a booming voice peered over his classroom. This man intimidated everyone into calling him Chef Hatchet and acted as the dual English and Home Economics teacher. No one knew anything about the man's past. He claimed to have been in a war but the details never matched up to any records that could be found. Many rumours circulated this mysterious figure, with students swearing that he was the pro wrestler Soup of the short-lived Hot Lunch tag team fame, he was secretly the famous drag queen Deejay Jazzy Chef, and most outlandish of all: he was secretly nice.[1]

"Now maggots, what did you guys think of The Sun Also Rises"

"Oh my gosh, Katie, wasn't it just so romantic" gushed a chubby Korean girl whose black hair was tied up in childish pigtails.

"It, like, totally was, Sadie," said her slim Malaysian friend who sported an identical haircut. [2]

"Romantic?!" replied an appalled Gwen. "He was an abusive alcoholic misogynist who squandered half his life trying to nail Picasso's leftovers."

"As opposed to a bitter self-righteous demonic hag?" snickered an extremely attractive Hawaiian man whose narcissism exuded out of every of his perfectly placed pore. 

"Shut it, Justin," said Chef Hatchet while rubbing his temples. 

"I guess that in this society being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time," snapped an indignant Gwen."What about Sylvia Plath or Charlotte Brontë or Allison Bechdel?" [3]

Her feminist rant was interrupted by Duncan's late arrival into the classroom. 

"Did I miss anything?" asked Duncan looking slightly dishevelled.

"Just how oppressive and patriarchal structures dictate our education."

"Cool," uttered Duncan before abruptly leaving the classroom. 

"HEY! Come back this instant!" yelled Chef Hatchet whose anger quickly twisted to deflation. 

"Oh Chef~ Is there any chance we can get Gwen to take her Midol before she comes to class?" said Justin smugly. 

The teacher just glared at Justin while the rest of the class giggled.

"One day, you're going to be bitch-slapped and I'll just stand back and happily watch that go down. As for you, Gwen, I want to thank you for providing your perspective."

Gwen perked up, only for her momentary pride to be immediately dashed when Chef Hatchet continued with his speech. 

"It must have been so difficult overcoming all that upper middle class white suburban oppression. I can't imagine the cruelty of it all," said the African-Canadian man to the now bitterly deflated Gwen. 

Chef Hatchet walked up to the front of the classroom, targeting his tirade to the entire class. 

"The next time any of you, go on your PTA crusade campaigning for spiceless food or whatever it is you white kids yap on about, maybe ask the administration why they can't buy a book written by a black man!" 

"That's right dawg!" exclaimed a sallow-skinned white guy with a stereotypically thick Canadian accent. He was clad in a variety of tacky necklaces he referred to as 'bling'. [4]

"Don't even get me started on you!" yelled Chef Hatchet at the cultural appropriator, who then gulped and shrunk into himself.

"Anything else?" asked the still sullen Gwen who sulked as she silently fumed.

"You know what, yes. Your sass is pissing me off, go to Ms Blaineley."

"What?"

"You heard me. GO." 

Gwen stood up and shoved her textbooks into her bag, making sure to shoulder smack Justin as she stormed out of the class.

\----------------

Gwen was able to cool down slightly as she made her way to the guidance counsellor’s office. It was frustrating how the world seemed so keen to silence her.

"Ah Gwen, I've heard you've been terrorising Chef Hatchets class. Again," said Ms Blaineley as she lowered her glasses to peer blankly at the outspoken student.

"I would hardly call expressing my opinion and calling out sexism a terrorist action." retorted Gwen.

"I don't think Cody Anderson would agree. His testicle retrieval operation went well-not that you care." 

Gwen flushed red with a mix of anger and embarrassment before standing her ground. 

"I maintain that Cody kicked himself in the balls."

"The point is, Gwen…." said Ms Blaineley, before taking a long sip of her spiked coffee. "Is that people perceive you as somewhat-"

"Tempestuous?" 

"Heinous bitch is a term used most often. Although 'witch' is sometimes thrown in for that extra spice."

Gwen smirks at the insult, unbothered by the negative perception of her 'abrasive' personality. At this point in her life, she was done with being obsessed with how others perceived her. She knew who she was, and those who mattered didn't judge her for being unapologetically herself. 

"You might want to work on that," patronised Ms Blaineley.

"As always, thanks for the oh-so life-changing advice. I'll let you return to your masterpiece of pulp, the triumph of raunch, the epiphany of pleasure that's Christian Cullen's quivering member," Gwen sarcastically remarked as she left the office.

\----------------

Justin leaned against the school's walls, smirking as gaggles of girls flirtatiously giggled. His overinflated ego was, however, burst when he realised that those lovestruck gazes were directed towards his 'friend' Alejandro. 

Alejandro Burromuerto, disdainfully referred to as 'Eel-e-jandro' by Noah, transferred to Way Pines High in Year 11, taking Justin's place as the heartthrob and eye candy of the school. The mob of admirers had diverted their attention to the more suave and charismatic Spaniard.

Justin never had to rely on his personality to receive attention. His appearance made up for any other qualities he may lack. His mother had spent a lot of money to provide him with the best genetics, and he wouldn't be damned to waste them. Unfortunately, this had made him weak and defenceless against any competition regarding wit, charisma, or charm.

After a rather humiliating series of events to upstage his rival, he was desperate to regain his status. Fortunately for Justin, Alejandro had been recently knocked off a few pegs in the totem of secondary school popularity, prompting a vacant position for Justin to fill. 

"Ay Hermano, how does it feel to be so unnoticeable that even Katie and Sadie won’t glance your way?”

"It's much better than being the lapdog to a girl who would discard you without a second glance if it served to benefit her."

They glared at each other before Alejandro smirked.

"You are just jealous that I have a girlfriend and you don't. Have you had any significant others outside of Izzy, the psycho hose beast? You couldn't even get a snail to date you." [5]

"Name any girl in this school, and I will guarantee that I can get her to both date and sleep with me." 

"I'll take you up on that wager, and I have the perfect candidate," said Alejandro with a devious grin. "Dakota Milton."

Justin blanched before his eyebrows furrowed in determination. 

"By Prom, she will be mine" muttered Justin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) There are a few references to Total Dramarama (I actually find the show fun and I like seeing the different friendship dynamics of the cast) and I wanted to homage his fantastic outfits in the show. I really like how the show kind of subverts this hyper-masculine character by showing his affinity for crossdressing. Chef Hatchet and Chris are definitely in evil love together (Phineas and Ferb song let's gooooo).
> 
> 2) I'm here to spread by biracial Asian agenda by making any character I can POC. I feel like this also would develop Katie and Sadie's characters more as when I moved to Ireland, I gravitated towards my Asian brethren as we could not only relate to each other culturally but we shared the same struggles that came with being POC in a predominantly white country. I feel like this could be why they are so dependant on each other, as they were ostracized in primary school for being 'different' and clung together as a form of survival. Heavy projection but the projection is the spice of life haha.
> 
> 3) Gwen would definitely be a fan of graphic novels, and Alison Bechdel is a feminist icon. Her graphic novels are not only beautifully written but have fantastic artwork that elevates the story. Even the spectacular poet Adrienne Rich (RIP) has praised her writing! Gwen would also adore Mariko Tamaki, Tillie Walden, Emily Carroll, and so many others.
> 
> 4) Was I the only person who received racist vibes from Ezekiel in the Playa De Losers episode? His behaviour felt like it was trying to culturally appropriate African-American culture and it was just super weird to me. Also most sexists I've met have turned out to be racist and homophobic. I never really understood his fandom, as I've found so many other characters in the series far more compelling, and nothing in the show really suggests there's something of depth in his character. I know that his fanbase sprung from 'Total Drama Comeback', which I'm sorry to say that I disliked. 
> 
> 5) I feel like Alejandro would mimic the language Heather uses when insulting others. I'm not the most comfortable using language like 'crazy' or 'psycho' as its usually gendered and ableist. Izzy is my favourite character and I've always loved that trivia that she and Justin used to date. I used the snail comparison as not only are they ugly creatures, but they are also hermaphrodites, implying that no one of any gender would stoop to date, Justin.

**Author's Note:**

> 1) Duncan is referring to Mama DJ here. She's not really a lunch lady as she owns and operates a food truck that's situated in the campus. She's working with the school to feed the students, after DJ told her how appalling the cafeteria food made by Chef Hatchet was. Think of the food truck in Victorious.
> 
> 2) This is a reference to Brody from the Ridiculous Race. I feel like their personalities would work well together, as they are both extroverted and kind. Plus Brady has 0 personality so I don't really want to include him. I probably won't have any RR contestants in this fanfic outside of an odd shout-out. 
> 
> 3) Reference to Sam being an expy of Seth Rogan and my personal headcanon of Sierra being half Abenaki, and half Mizrahi Jewish ancestry. I'm also planning a crazy ex gf Sierra au so please tell me if you want to read that.


End file.
